


Dissonance (ON HIATUS)

by LemurG



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: But he’s super depressed, Depression, Lucio just wants to help and protect everyone!, Lucio reallly likes music, M/M, Self-Harm, Slow burn or something, Sombra and Reaper are good guys, Suicide Attempt, Yeah definitely slow burn, anyway yes they will kiss but that’s later!, im new to writing a bunch of this but imma do my best, sad frog boi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-05-09 07:58:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14712191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemurG/pseuds/LemurG
Summary: Hey, I’m putting this on HIATUS because I really didn’t like any of where this went. I might come back in a while to change it and rewrite it.—————“Hey, Lucio!”Lucio looked up to see Jesse jogging over to him.“Hey, Jesse,” Lucio said, taking one earbud out so he could hear Mcree and his music simultaneously. Mccree tipped his hat just a bit, causing Lucio to blush slightly and look towards the ground.“I was just thinkin’, that even though music is your thing and all, what’s the deal with it?”“The deal with what?” Lucio glanced back up at Jesse, who pointed at Lucio’s earbuds.“Well, why do ya gotta listen t’ music all the time?”Lucio was silent. That was not a question he was prepared to answer.





	1. Mission Briefing

**Author's Note:**

> Aww yeah! This is gonna be about Lucio and Mcree (obviously), but Lucio does have depression and let’s it out through music. I will warn you, there WILL be thoughts/attempts at suicide, self-harm, and just sometimes a big storm cloud will follow Lucio wherever he goes and rain on him constantly. I don’t wanna spoil too much stuff to come, so stay tuned!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took out the first chapter since I didn’t quite like it, so this is the first chapter now. I made a few tweaks to this one because of the change. I hop you like it!
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter!

Mccree heard a clanging of metal doors from behind, and turned his head to see a flailing Lucio soaring high through the air. He next thing he knew, Lucio had face-planted right into the metallic flooring, his squished face sliding right up to Jesse’s boot.

”Need some help, partner?”

”Nah, I just thought the floor needed some company,” Lucio mumbled, face still buried in the floor. Perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to skate and jump through the metals doors at the end of the hall, even if it did get him there faster. Lucio stuck his arm out, and Mccree pulled him up.

”Thanks.”

”Don’t mention it.”

”You two done now? We only have so much time to get this mission briefing done,” Reyes said, grumpily flicking through files on the hologram display on the table. He pulled up the one he needed, and turned to look at Sombra, Mcree, and Lucio, at whom he glared just a little for such a grand entrance.

“Ready now? Good, let’s get back to business. We’ve caught wind of a hacker in King’s Row. They’ve been working from the shadows, messing with the omnics in the area. We all remember what happened back there during the Omnic Crisis, so the people aren’t too happy about this, and tensions over there about omnics are already high. Our job is to take out the hacker a silently as possible, so things don’t escalate. I’ve got possible coordinates of where they were last seen, so we’ll start there. Get your gear ready, we’re leaving in ten.”

”Ayy, lighten up, Mister Grumpypants! This’ll be easy, in and out, and we’re done!” Sombra said, already opening her own purple holograms, hacking who-knows-what even as she spoke.

”You never know, Sombra. Don’t underestimate the enemy until we know more about them.”

”Please, Gabe, don’t worry! We’ve got this one in the bag, I can feel it,” she said, snatching a piece of purple data, and storing it for some other use later.

”Just get ready, let’s decide how easy it’ll be once we get there.”

Lucio skated over to the racks of equipments, picking up his sonic amplifier he left lying on a nearby table, so Winston could fix it up; it had been glitching out last mission after Sombra had borrowed and hacked it to try to use as a giant megaphone on Reyes.

“Hey, Winston! How’s it hanging?”

”Oh! Quite well, actually! I just finished tuning the amplifier and changed some wiring so you can crossfade much smooth-“ Winston laughed a bit, realizing what Lucio has said. “I see what you did there. Anyway, it should be in tip-top shape now!”

“Thanks, my killah gorilla! I owe you one!” He held out his hand for a fistbump, receiving one from Winston’s much larger hand.

”Please don’t call me that ever again.”

Lucio laughed, skating his way toward the hologram table, where Gabriel and Sombra were debating whether she could pick up spare parts in King’s Row.

Lucio took a seat on the now deactivated hologram table, waiting until they had to board the ship to leave for their mission.

He took his phone out of his pocket, changing the song playing into his ears. A while ago, Lucio had slightly gotten into anime, mostly ‘cause Hana forced him to watch some with her. He was mostly into the openings and endings, and some browsing the web introduced him to anime song covers, which he was very into at the moment. Amanda Lee forever!

He’d recently bought the Nostalgia 4 playlist, and loved learning the lyrics, which was one of his favorite things to do  in regards to music. He started playing the first song in his headphones, as well as checking his skates to make sure nothing was wrong with them, just as he heard someone call his name.

“Hey, Lucio!”

Lucio looked up to see Jesse jogging over to him.

“Hey, Jesse,” Lucio said, taking one earbud out so he could hear Mcree and his music simultaneously. Mccree tipped his hat just a bit, causing Lucio to blush slightly and look towards the ground.

“I was just thinkin’, that even though music is your thing and all, what’s the deal with it?”

“The deal with what?” Lucio glanced back up at Jesse, who pointed at Lucio’s earbuds.

“Well, why do ya gotta listen t’ music all the time?”

Lucio was silent. That was not a question he was prepared to answer.


	2. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayy I’m back now (it wasn’t even a long break but whatever)  
> I’ll try to write some good stuff, but I’m still learning too!

Lucio took a seat on the cargo ship set to leave for King’s Row in five minutes. Or at least whatever seat he could find, since cargo ships weren’t known for comfortable chairs, or any at all. He scavenged some old wooden crates lying around and tried to make the best makeshift seat he could. ‘Tried’ is the key word here, since Lucio ended up just sitting cross-legged on the rusty metal floor.

The rest of the team arrived shortly after Lucio boarded. The others just stood, not even bothering to sit in the nearly empty cargo hold. Lucio didn’t particularly enjoy traveling in this part of the ship, but they were disguising as a cargo ship that was arriving for pickup. 

Mccree stood against the back entrance as it closed behind him; Sombra knelt down, brought up her purple holograms, and started coding something; Gabriel just leaned against the wall across from Mccree gazing blankly at the wall.

The flight wouldn’t take long, perhaps 30 minutes at most. The pilot used the intercom to tell the group the ship was about to launch, and soon they were flying over the base to King’s Row. There was just one window, located in the entrance door to the cargo hold, the one Mccree was leaning against as he tilted his hat over his face.

Lucio couldn’t help but to glance up at Mccree’s face, which was half concealed by his hat. He couldn’t help but that he noticed how badass Mccree looked like that, just standing against the window, with the receding base behind.

Lucio looked away quickly. It was rude to stare for too long. He took out his phone from his pocket, and swiped through the multitude of songs on there. It was really the only thing he used his phone for, besides communication. With a couple of taps, he changed the song playing through his earbuds to one more upbeat, to get himself ready for the mission. Despite his tunes playing in his lime green earbuds, Lucio couldn’t help but drift off a little. 

Lucio heard the pilot telling the four of them they had arrived in King’s Row, just as he was waking up. An outstretched hand offered to help him up.

”I’m good, I don’t need help.” Lucio said, slowly standing up. Mccree frowned slightly, pulling his hand back, but didn’t say anything.  The two of them silently joined Gabriel and Sombra, who were going over the plan one last time.

Each member knew what they had to do. Lucio and Mccree were to scout the city and finding information, Gabe and Sombra would try and track down the hacker. Once found, the four would meet up and devise a plan to kidnap their target.

”Gabe and I will head to their last known address, while you two should head to the prison and see what’s up with the hacked omnics.”

”I’ll pull the address do it up on my phone right now.” Lucio said, taking his phone out from his pocket.

”No! Are you crazy? You could get tracked using the signal! Put that away.”

Lucio hadn’t seen Sombra snap over such a small thing.

”Speaking of which, I need all of you to disable WiFi and cellular on your phones, turn off tracking and power them off. We can not give the hacker our whereabouts. We don’t know what we are dealing with, and with hackers, it can get dangerous real fast.”

”Look who’s talking about taking it easy,” Gabriel said while smirking a little. “Just a while ago, didn’t you say this would be a piece of cake?”

”Yes,” Sombra stated, exasperated. “But we have to be sure. Trust me, hacking is a lot easier than you’d think nowadays.”

Mccree, Lucio, and Gabe all took out their phones; tan, green, and black; and did everything Sombra told them.

Sombra reached for her belt, removing three small gadgets from a small pocket. She handed each of them one.

”Here, it’s a modified Comms earpiece that acts like a walkie-talkie. It doesn’t use any easily traceable signal, but only works in a local range of a few miles. We can use it as a way of communicating without giving off too much of a signal.”

“We should get going. Sombra got us rooms at a fancy hotel, so let’s meet there in 3 hours,” Gabriel said.

“A little hacking can go a long way. Anyway, let’s split up and get to work!”

Three confirmations, and two pairs set off in opposite directions, just as the setting sun sank lower on the horizon.


	3. King’s Row

“Do you know the way to the prison? We might be able to ask around about what’s been going on,” Lucio said, as the two started down the street to the left.

“Sure do, partner. I got the map right on me.”

“Cool!” Lucio took out his left earbud, and used the right one to lower the volume to exactly half of the maximum. Mccree pulled the map out from his back pocket, since any trace of them mustn’t be visible online while so close to the hacker they’re hunting down.

“It’s seems we gotta jus’ walk for a bit, and we’ll be there in no time,” Mccree said, flipping through the creased map. “This way,” as he pointed down the street they were facing.

“Alright! Let’s do this,” Lucio said with a little excitement in his voice. It had been a few weeks since he had a mission, so he was the first to sign up for this once it had been announced to everyone in the Gibraltar base.

The two of them walked past many hotels, restaurants, and houses as they went, filled with people and omnics alike. Lucio glances around and saw a peek of a sign up ahead, which had a loaf of bread emblazoned on it.

“Hey, do you wanna check out that bakery?” Lucio said, turning to Mccree.

“I don’t see why not, we got a lotta time.”

“Yes!” Lucio fistpumped, as he amped up their speed. He grabbed Mccree’s wrist and practically dragged him over there. The pair squeezed in between tourists clamoring for varying goods. “Ooh! What should we get!” Lucio said, eyeing the selection, which ranged from simple loaves to turtle-shaped bagels to giant cakes.

“Whatever ya want. It’s on me.” Lucio looked at Mccree in disbelief.

“Really? You do that?”

“Sure, anything for you.” Mccree winked; Lucio blushed slightly at that, turning away so Mccree couldn’t see.

Lucio eyes flicked back on forth accords the breads and pastries and other tasty treats. He couldn’t decide between a loaf of bread to share between them or two cupcakes. He turned to ask Mccree, when he noticed something.

The song he was hearing was not from the playlist he had picked. No, it was a completely different artist. How was that even possible? Lucio could only think of one reasonable answer, one that did not bode well for them. The words started to play and resonate in his ears, but it was an odd choice of music, since it didn’t reflect how he felt at the moment.

 

**Metal joints and moving parts.**

 

He turned back to Mccree, who was confused as to why Lucio looked uneasy.

“Hey, Mccree, my song changed without me doing anything.”

 

**Humming electric glowing hearts.**

 

“Do you think it’s...?

“Yeah, the hacker.”

 

**Send commands to change my mind.**

 

Just as Lucio spoke those words, a large booming resonated through the ground, everyone stopping dead in their tracks.

It was an explosion. It sounded about a few blocks away. Lucio and Mccree rushed outside to see further up the street to try to locate the source, and saw a crater not too far ahead.

 

**No control, no way to fight.**

 

Lucio couldn’t tell if there were people who were caught in the blast from this far away. He pulled out his medkit as he and Mccree ran to help anyone they could when another explosion sounded, this time from behind.

“Shit,” Mccree swore under his breath. “He knows we’re here, and he’s trying to take us out before we get to him. We have to get these people to safety.”

“Agreed. I’ll use Sound Barrier in case of another explosion,” Lucio said, flicking a switch on his sonic amplifier. A green soundwave spread around him, shielding everyone in the close vicinity.

 

**And I’ve been told what feelings are.**

**And the ones to show.**

 

Lucio looked around to make sure everyone was safe, and saw an omnic standing tall, raising his hands up.

 

**And do you think I have a soul?**

**I guess we’ll never know.**

 

What was that he was holding? It was small and spherical, with a red light pulsing on it, the same red as the omnic’s eyes.

”Everyone! You all have to leave!” Lucio shouted to everyone, but no one heard him. Mccree started to ask Lucio what was wrong when Lucio tackled him to the ground, doing his best to shield Mccree from what was to come.

 

**So shut me down, take me out.**

 

The red started pulsing faster and faster.

 

**Take the wires and burn them out.**

 

The pulsing red was thrown high into the air.

 

**Code me to break you, tell me to die.**

 

The sphere bathed in red seemed to be suspended in the air for just a second. Lucio used himself to try to save Mccree from the incoming explosion.

 

**Cut off my energy, let the sparks fly.**

 

A flash of bright red. The orb burst.

 

**Let my power run out.**

 

The explosion let out a blinding white, splitting cracks in the ground. Lucio felt himself flying through the air, a split second after seeing that flash of white. Mccree still safe under his arms, Lucio only felt his music resounding in his ears before his vision faded.

 

**Strip my parts and shut me down.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that was a lot of writing in one go. I tried to make this chapter a lot longer than the others since I felt they were too short. Don’t forget to tell me about any mistakes in my writing!
> 
> The song I used was “Shut Me Down” by Tamara Fritz. I’m not sure if it totally went with what was happening but I love that song a lot. 
> 
> Stay tuned for the next chapter!


	4. It wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ayyy I’m back! I hope you all like the new chapter! I finally am able to get to the part I wanted to write about, showing Lucio in a way people wouldn’t often see.

The explosion, the bomb, that was all a week ago. Lucio had to be teleported back to base after the bomb went off. Luckily, Mccree wasn’t injured thanks to Lucio’s quick thinking, although the same couldn’t be said for some of the people went the bomb went off. 

55 deaths, 80 injured.

Just because he didn’t have the guts to turn off his phone and endure the silence. He knew he fucked up when the song changed then, the hacker  _somehow_ got into his phone. It was all because of him.

The other three were able to apprehend the hacker within the same day. And brought him to a prison, somewhere, Lucio didn’t hear that part.

He heard he was out for nearly two days and rested the next 5, although he couldn’t remember much of it.

At least he was allowed to leave the infirmary, after talking with Angela, who insisted he take a few pain relievers until he was mission-ready again.

That could be weeks until then, but it didn’t matter.

At least it was him who took the fall, him who saved Mccree, him who kill 55 and injured 80.

 

 

It was late, very late. Everyone else was asleep, except for D.va who was busy gaming in her room on the other side of the compound. He didn’t have to worry.

Lucio tentatively stepped into the hallway, his feet touching cold metal floors. He disabled Athena from his room for a while, to take it easy, or so he told Angela.

Lucio tiptoed his way down the hall, down the stairs, down the next hall, the next staircase, until he reached the kitchen. 

He checked his phone, it was about 1:00 in he morning. People had to sleep early and wake up late since most didn’t do much, so he knew there was more than enough time. 

He didn’t have his earbuds, so everything was very _quiet, no music, no floor made of chords and notes and harmonies to keep him from falling._ He only heard his soft footsteps and breathing.

He made his way into the kitchen, which had the best ingredients, the cleanest appliances, the sharpest knives.

Lucio slipped a small one out from its wooden holder, and slowly walked over to the freezer door.

It was so cold in there. He opened the door and embraced it. The sting made him feel... nice, at least for a moment.

He closed the door behind, knowing he could leave once he was ready. He sat on the cold metal floor, ice forming on every surface.

It will only be a small one, he told himself. It was necessary, to feel the pain, the hurt he inflicted on so many, the people he killed and maimed because of his ignorance. To feel the only way to find any kind of repentance, to feel knowing it would feel like this and he would do it again and again. He couldn’t stop hurting other people, no matter what he did.

he didn’t want anyone else to get hurt. if only he were pained, maybe no one else would be. it was the only way to salvage his mistakes and change himself. he’d do whatever it takes to change, to heal everyone, even if it hurt him. he didn’t mind.

Lucio put the knife up to his arm and traced the cut he wanted to make. A deep one. One that would remind him of what he is, what he did, what he has to be.

Lucio pressed down, and the knife gleamed red as it traced the line that wasn't just a trace anymore.

 

 

 

_Shaking me down, my lonely logic finds_

_Another thorn of this envy in my side_ _called heartbreak_

_Maybe my past wasn’t bad, a lovely lie_

_’Cause I know_

_I’m the one thing that’s saving what’s beat_ _ing in everyone_

_Well, that’s not reality_

_But it’s alright, I can at least try in my dreams._

 

 

 

Those words we playing in his head when he awoke, in a pool of blood.

Looking down at his arm he saw that he must’ve fainted from the blood loss. It was fine, it didn’t hurt anyone else.

He slowly walked back to his room, after making sure the freezer and knife were as clean as he could make them. 

It wouldn’t hurt anyone else, anyway. He walked up stairs and through a hallway, stairs and through a hallway. He dragged his feet, clutching his arm to his chest. As long as it stopped him from hurting anyone else, it was worth it. It wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

As long as he was the only one taking the hits, it was fine by him.

He made sure to never forget that. He’d take any amount of pain if he could keep it from reaching someone else, that’s all he wanted.

Lucio opened his bedroom door, and collapsed onto the bed, staining the white sheets red. He wasn’t going to patch up the cut, not until it really did something, not soon. He wanted to fall into that gash, that cut, that abyss.

At least it wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got inspired to continue the story after a loooong while since my depression ain’t going anywhere soon. I try to put myself in Lucio this chapter. It’s dark, but isn’t that what this story is gonna be?
> 
> I used the last line from Jubyphonic’s English cover of A Realistic Logical Ideologist. It’s a depressing yet amazing song and I recommend giving it a listen!
> 
> See you all for the next chapter! (which hopefully comes much sooner than this one did)
> 
> Till next time! :D


	5. Training

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! I’m just writing this bit for now until I get as little more time later this or next week! Think of it as a teaser/preview for next chapter. For the chapters about 1/3 are gonna be either sad or Lucio trying to deal with his emotions, and the other 2/3 are what happens after or other parts of the story. Also yes there will be actual fluff (if I can even write that well) between Lucio and Mccree in this chapter, I want it as much as you do. See ya! :D

The sun rose, the birds chirped, and Lucio woke up. He lied there, staring up at the green tinged ceiling.

He hoped he’d cleaned up well enough; Lucio had bandages for his arm, and wrapped them around it, the paper staining the same red as the sheets. He could just play it off as a training injury.

Lucio slipped on his little green froggie slippers and put a new shirt and shorts, one green and the other black. He went over to the sink in the bathroom and washed the tiredness from his face. He’d take a shower after he hit up the training room. 

He liked it, and he need it even more since he was still recovering from the explosion. His left arm might not be as good as it could be, but that was too be expected.

Lucio walked towards the door, grabbing his earbuds as he turned the handle, and walked into the hallway. 

Off to the training room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me any songs you like or think would fit the themes! Any type or artist, I love all kinds of music! :D


End file.
